There's just something about film and cameras that make my heart beat a little faster.
I've always been a girl of very varied interests. I don't like the term, "jack of all trades" but I think I could qualify for it. Being so spread in interests means that I can get a little excited about everything.
There have been few things that have really entwined itself around my heart though. Few things that, just at a glimpse, could make me feel like I couldn't breathe. Maybe this is all just veiled materialism but it feels deeper.
Seeing the grain and fuzz and physical presence of film makes me feel the same as yellowed old books that twist me into time, or a dance that lifts and spins. It hurts me. It makes me ache, ache for something more. Like my life is missing something.
It's this feeling that makes me feel like I shouldn't leave ignore the creative side of myself when considering a future career. I can't imagine being happy longterm going day in and day out without being able to use something of beauty. My life now oftentimes feels absolutely empty of beauty, empty of meaning, and empty of that breathless anticipation of loving something you're creating.
So, today I bought new film (too expensive film.) I'll let you know when it comes a-rumbling in.
I wouldn't call it hugely successful but a picture did come out. I was mostly testing out a new tripod that I haven't really used since.
This summer I hope to take a lot more pictures than I have been so far. Money is tight so development is a stretch. I've ditched where I used to go for my 120 film to a place that is a little more inconvenient in location but will hopefully be better in communication.
I just finished my Black & White I class at Rayko and I really enjoyed it. I learned a lot and I hope to continue understanding and using the skills in the next level of classes.
Cheers to bigger and better things, here's to hoping it translates to the greater part of my life!
This has proven to be the longest week in a series of long weeks in a row of long months, joined together for a couple of the longest years in my short life. I hope these are the longest years or sorrow and grief I'll ever have to endure.